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SoldTelevision series regular (UK) Series summary: Comedy-drama set at Colubrine's Estate Agents, with a cutthroat and unscrupulous staff led by Mr. Colubrine. Mr. Colubrine oversees his staff via a webcam and is rarely there in person. Role:
Mr. Colubrine Summary of Anthony Head's storyline:
After the first week has passed, Danny has failed to sell a single property and has also upset most of his clients by interfering in the personal lives. It's time for a Colubrine's Big Night Out. Matt is in front of a raucous crowd of Colubrine employees and introduces Mr. Colubrine himself. Colubrine is watching the gathering via a web camera from an unnamed tax haven and he is seen on two monitors above everyone else. He compliments Matt on becoming manager of the new office but then doesn't hesitate to tell him to shut up when Matt tries sucking up. Matt passes out keys to company cars based on performance. The highest prize, use of a Lotus, goes to Matt himself. Matt tries to use the moment to flirt with Mel but she laughs him off and Colubrine, once again, belittles Matt saying he'll need to earn a million more first. Colubrine does laugh when Matt calls Mel a bitch. Finally, Matt introduces Danny as the Geek of the Week, as he had zero sales. Colubrine encourages the other employees to show what they really think of Danny and they all throw cocktail peanuts at Danny. Colubrine impassively watches via the monitor. Over the course of the following week, however, Danny's approach starts to have success and all of the clients who were angry with him last week, end up giving him a sale this week. At the next Colubrine's Big Night Out, Matt is embarrassed to have to announce that the Lotus goes to Danny this week. Colubrine enjoys pointing out that Matt underestimated Danny and Matt is further upset when Mel decides she is leaving with Danny.
Matt, Mel, Phoebe and Jonty all set off to lie, cheat and manipulate their way into acquiring as many properties as possible. Danny, as usual, focuses instead on making his current clients happy. Phoebe goes to another estate agency pretending to be a buyer and every property that she views, the others follow-up on and convince the owners to list with Colubrine's instead. But Phoebe falls for the estate agent, Gavin, and breaks cover because she doesn't want to continue lying to him. Gavin decides to get his revenge by pretending he doesn't care who she is and the two of them end up having sex at the Colubrine offices. Afterwards, he tells her he finds her disgusting and leaves, tearing up the contracts for the properties Colubrine's stole from him on his way out. The next day, a humiliated Phoebe must confess what occurred. To make matters worse, almost every other sale that was in the works has fallen through. At that point, Mr. Colubrine appears again, this time while getting a massage. He announces that he has set up an office webcam so he can check in 24/7. In fact, when he checked the system the night before, he'd forgotten about the time difference and it was around midnight in the office. He goes on to say he was surprised to someone was in the office and plays a recording of Phoebe and Gavin having sex (on Jonty's desk). Phoebe is horrified and adds that to make matters worse, he was married. The others realize they can use this to their advantage and blackmail Gavin into giving them all his current properties in order to keep them from showing the video to his wife. At the next Colubrine's Big Night Out, Danny is back to being the Geek of the Week while Matt takes the credit for all the successes they had. Mr. Colubrine is impressed to notice that Mel is once again blatantly flirting with Matt and ignoring Danny.
Danny is showing properties to a woman who is willing to buy almost anything as long as it is in the right location to get her son into the school she wants. This gives Matt the idea to create an affiliation with the school to promote Colubrine's. He and the others make it appear to parents wanting to get their children into the school that there is a housing shortage in the area which causes the fearful parents to pay inflated prices for less than ideal properties. The head of the school catches on to what Mat is doing and tells him that if he wants to keep using her school's name, he needs to buy them a new mini-bus, which costs £2000.00. Matt has to go to Mr. Colubrine to ask for that amount of money. Mr. Colubrine, who is getting botox injections in his forehead, is furious but Matt reassures him it will be worth it in the long run, pointing out that they've sold five properties already that day. Mr. Colubrine agrees but makes it clear it will cost Matt his job if this scheme fails. in the end, the scheme works and at the next Colubrine's Big Night Out, Matt and company are celebrating and Mr. Colubrine compliments the good results. Thanks to the sale of a multi-million pound mansion, Mel is this week's winner of the keys to the Lotus. Mr. Colubrine compliments Mel and warns her to drive carefully.
A few days later, Mr. Colubrine appears on the webcam at the office. He is on his way to play a round of golf, but first wants to check on Matt's progress with the change of use redevelopments. Matt doesn't have any and claims it was just a brainstorming idea, nothing more. Mr. Colubrine is upset and insists that Matt come up with an idea soon. As a result, Matt becomes involved in a plan to redevelop a church whose property includes the cemetery where Danny's father was buried, which increases the ongoing tension between the two men.
As soon as Mr. Colubrine is gone, Matt panics and admits to the others that he overlooked the key worker requirement. He orders them to drop everything else and focus on getting those sales. However, Danny refuses to help out Matt and goes on with the prospects he already had. The rest of the staff fails miserably in their initial attempts at sales. Matt and Danny continue to clash and finally their mutual dislike boils over and they have a fist fight. Mel gets in between them and stops the physical portion of it. But Matt decides to take steps to get rid of Danny. He brings Mr. Colubrine up on the webcam. Mr. Colubrine appears to be in the middle of a colonic and is not happy at the interruption. Matt tells him that he had put Danny in charge of the key worker sales and the only reason Matt told Mr. Colubrine that they were sold was because Danny had lied to Matt. Danny steps in to say Matt is the one lying. Mr. Colubrine doesn't care who is lying or what conflicts Matt and Danny may be having. He just wants the key workers sales in place by the next day when the developer arrives, or the entire staff is fired. The fear of being fired leads to everyone, including Danny, to work on getting those sales. They narrowly mange to get the last one in place just as the developer arrives. At the next Colubrine's Big Night Out, Matt takes most of the credit when Mr. Colubrine praises them, even though he only had one sale out of the twenty. However, Matt is not so happy when he sees Mel and Danny flirting with each other.
Phoebe and Jonty are trying to create a bidding war on a house wanted by a pregnant woman, Zoe, and her husband. When the deal falls through, Zoe, desperate to have her own home when her baby is born, handcuffs herself to a pole in office and refuses to leave until Phoebe gets her that house. Zoe is still there the next morning when Matt arrives at the office. While getting out of his car, he is shocked to see Mr. Colubrine standing there in person. As they enter the office, Mr. Colubrine explains that, as a tax exile, he is only allowed in the country for 90 days a year and he is currently on day 91, so he needs to keep the visit quiet so the tax inspectors don't catch him. He goes on to explain he is there to decide who the manager of the new branch in Spain will be. Everyone is in "suck up" mode in hopes of impressing him except Danny, who simply says he deserves the job. Mr. Colubrine responds by asking why there is a pregnant woman chained to his pole. Matt says that Phoebe and Jonty will get back to him on that. Mr. Colubrine suggests to Jonty that he get a hacksaw. When Jonty protests that cutting through the pole might cause the building to collapse, Mr. Colubrine tells him he could cut her arm off instead. Mr. Colubrine decides to start his search for a manager with Mel. She joins him in his car for a chat. The first matter he wants to discuss is that fact that Mel has stolen the lease for the property in Spain out from under him. She says she only did it to get his attention and will back out, meaning the owners will have to go back to Mr. Colubrine at the original amount. She points out that Mr. Colubrine has always said they should trade on people's fears, although Danny always says they should only sell people a home. When Mr. Colubrine asks why, Mel tells him Danny has never really had a home. Mr. Colubrine wants to know if that means Danny is an orphan or a bastard and Mel says a bit of both. Mel is pleased that Mr. Colubrine seems to be seriously considering her for the job, but he does wonder if her attachment to Danny means more to her. Danny is next to meet with Mr. Colubrine. They go for a walk along the river to talk. Mr. Colubrine is surprised that Matt didn't sack Danny at the start, because he sells dreams, which is against company policy. Mr. Colubrine tells Danny he sees himself in Danny and that he used to sell dreams too, but not as an estate agent. Mr. Colubrine used to be a bailiff (a repo man) before he got into being an estate agent. He claims that he was able to repossess anyone because he didn't try to scare them. Instead, he would say "Relax, I can make all your dreams come true." The dream being that there was a way out of the mess they were in. But he learned that fear is the true key. He says Danny could learn that as well, if he would let Mr. Colubrine train him. He says he could be Danny's mentor: the father Danny never really had. Danny responds that he liked the father he never really had and walks away. Mr. Colubrine yells after him that Danny has no dreams, just nightmares and Mr. Colubrine is going to become one of them. Mr. Colubrine returns to the office and tells Mel that she is no longer the woman he hired and has become weak. He needs to believe that she could steal from anyone: widows, pensioners...orphans. Mel gets the hint that the "orphan" in question is Danny. Mr. Colubrine invites her to lunch and she asks if he is offering her the promotion. He says he is offering her a choice and wants to know if she is strong enough to take it. When Danny returns to the office, Mel tells him that the job is hers but only if she steals something from Danny. Danny tells her that Mr. Colubrine wants her to betray Danny, but there is nothing that she can take that matters to him. He goes on to say that Mr. Colubrine only wants to get into her pants. Mel is hurt that Danny thinks she hasn't earned the job on merit and asks if he has ever considered that she could be something he might lose. Danny simply says it's her choice. When Danny has his back turned, Mel picks up the tie he was wearing but had taken off. She had given it to him as a gift and he wears it regularly. Mel slips it into her purse. Later, Jonty is talking to Zoe, still chained to the pole, and her husband. He discovers that Zoe's husband is a tax inspector who specializes in tracking down tax evaders. Mr. Colubrine and Mel are returning from their lunch when Danny comes out, missing his tie, which Mr. Colubrine comments on. Mr. Colubrine is in the middle of telling Danny he is fired when Jonty comes running out telling them that there is a tax inspector inside. Mr. Colubrine drops everything and gets back into his car. Matt pulls up just then and wants to talk to Mr. Colubrine. He asks about the job in Almeria and runs along the car as it is driving off. Mr. Colubrine tells him the job is in the bag, which Matt takes to mean it is his. Meanwhile, Matt has been deliberately manipulating Danny's mother, Jessica, into buying a property she can't afford. Once he has her agreeing to the house, he claims that there has been another offer and she'll have to raise her price. She tells him she'll do anything. Matt says it means they'll have to gazump someone. Jessica says she doesn't care. Matt points out that Danny doesn't believe in gazumping, which prompts a tirade from Jessica about how she doesn't care what Danny thinks and that he was nothing but the result of a quick fumble she always regretted. She goes on to say he ruined her life and she wishes he'd never been born. Matt captures the entire rant on his mobile and sends the video to Danny. Danny views the video and goes home to be alone. His mother shows up to tell him she has bought a house. Danny confronts her about her comments and she ends up revealing that the man he thought was his father wasn't. She tells him that the bailiffs had come around to repossess her car and she didn't know what to do. She says that one of them was nice and told her to relax and he could make all her dreams come true. Danny remembers his earlier conversation with Mr. Colubrine and comes to a shocking realization. Colubrine's Big Night out is in progress, with Matt, still convinced he has the job in Spain, leading everyone in an appropriate song. Mr. Colubrine, on webcam, is bored and idly waving a Spanish flag. Danny storms in and Matt, for once, is happy to see him, telling Danny he is about to be sacked. When Matt mentions Danny's mum, Danny responds by hitting him and knocking him to the floor. Everyone gasps in shock, except Mr. Colubrine who simply laughs. He then asks if Danny likes his tie, the one Mel had stolen from Danny, and says it was a gift from an admirer. He gestures for Mel to join him and everyone is shocked to see her with Mr. Colubrine, especially Matt who realizes this means she has the manager's job. Mr. Colubrine asks Mel if she wants to tell Danny he's fired. Danny responds by saying he has news of his own and smugly calls Mr. Colubrine "Dad".
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Episode 1 (November 15, 2007): Colubrine's Estate Agents has
taken over another estate agency as its new branch office. One
employee remains with Colubrine's - Danny. Danny's "people
first" approach gets him off to a bad start with his new
co-workers: Matt, the branch manager; Mel; Phoebe; and Jonty.
None of Danny's new co-workers care about morality or customer
satisfaction. 
Episode 2 (November 22, 2007): Colubrine's
currently has no properties for sale. Matt is giving a pep talk
to his team about why this is good news when Mr. Colubrine
interrupts via a webcam. Mr. Colubrine informs them he is doing
some "social webcamming", which still doesn't explain while he
is getting his toenails clipped at the moment. Mr. Colubrine
wants to know how things are going and Matt claims they are
great. Mr. Colubrine knows Matt is lying and demands to be shown
the properties listed in the window. Matt reluctantly carries
his laptop outside to show Mr. Colubrine that there are no
properties for sale. Mr. Colubrine orders Matt to get some
properties.
Episode 3 (November 29, 2007): Mr. Colubrine is on the
webcam, doing situps, complaining to Matt that he doesn't sense
the fear he expects from potential buyers. Mr. Colubrine demands
that Matt takes steps to increase buyer fear in order to
increase sales and therefore sales.
Episode 4 (December 6, 2007): At the latest
Colubrine's Big Night Out, Mr. Colubrine is asking for
brainstorming ideas on ways to increase profits. As usual, he is
on the webcam and this time he is getting a scalp massage. Mel
arrives late and immediately suggests sacking Jonty, pointing
out that the minority of the staff brings in the majority of
sales. Mr. Colubrine doesn't oppose the idea. Matt goes on to
suggest his idea of redeveloping properties such as disused
schools for change of use. Mr. Colubrine likes this idea and
asks for proposals.
Episode 5 (December 13, 2007):
The Colubrine's staff is working hard to sell properties in a
new development of flats and have sold almost all of them. Mr.
Colubrine appears on the webcam to find out their progress as
the developer will be at the office later in the week to check
up on them. If he likes what they have done with this property,
he will use Colubrine's to sell future properties as well. Mr.
Colubrine is thrilled when Matt tells them they have sold nearly
100%. Mr. Colubrine and Matt share a high five via the webcam.
Mr. Colubrine goes on to say he obviously doesn't even need to
ask about the twenty
Episode 6 (December 20, 2007):
Just as Matt is lecturing the staff on the professionalism
expected at the flagship branch of Colubrine's, Mr. Colubrine
appears on the webcam to inform them that he is opening up a new
flagship branch in Almeria, Spain. He asks the staff if they can
prove they are ruthless enough to take over as manager of the
new location. Everyone comes up with a devious plan of how they
plan to screw over someone, except Danny who simply states he
plans to sell someone the right house for them.
